The Boy and the Drum (story and reflection)

The Boy and the Drum
as told by Mark Nepo in "Finding Courage"

There is an old Hindu story. In it, there is a boy who wants a drum, but his mother can’t afford a drum, and so, sadly, she gives him a stick.

Though he doesn’t know what to do with it, he shuffles home and begins to play with the stick. Just then he encounters an old woman trying to light her woodstove. The boy freely gives her the stick.

She lights her fire, makes some bread, and in return she gives him half a loaf of bread. Walking on, the boy comes upon a potter’s wife whose child is crying from hunger. The boy freely gives her the bread.

In gratitude, she gives him a pot. Though he doesn’t know what to do with it, he carries it along the river, where he sees a washerman and his wife quarreling because the wife broke their one pot. The boy gives them the pot.

In return, they give him a coat. Since the boy isn’t cold, he carries the coat until he comes to a bridge, where a man is shivering. Riding to town on a horse, the man was attacked and robbed of everything but his horse. The boy freely gives him the coat.

Humbled, the man gives him his horse. Not knowing how to ride, the boy walks the horse into the town, where he meets a wedding party with musicians. The bridegroom and his family are all sitting under a tree with long faces. According to custom, the bridegroom is to enter the procession on a horse, which hasn’t shown up. The boy freely gives him the horse.

Relieved, the bridegroom asks what he can do for the boy. Seeing the drummer surrounded by all his drums, the boy asks for the smallest drum, which the musician gladly gives him.


Reflection by Jessica Gray
 
Mark Nepo, the writer who told this particular story, also wrote a bit about its meaning:

“The true nature of generosity is only fully visible if we let the story – whatever it is – unfold. If we limit the story to the boy asking for one thing and his mother bringing him another, we have a lesson in not getting what we want but accepting what we are given. If we end the story when the boy gives the woman the stick, we have a moment of altruism or sacrifice, depending on how we look at it. If we end the story when the woman gives the boy half a loaf of bread, it becomes a lesson in barter and fair exchange, trading what’s timely and of use. But if we let the story take its full and natural course, we are given something quite different…. Often, this courage – to wait and let the fabric of the Universe reveal itself – dissolves our individual sense of ownership into a sense of guardianship over gifts that no one owns.”

During this Thanksgiving week, I felt a great sense of gratitude from many directions. For weeks my “friends” on Facebook made gratitude lists, naming everything large and small, from family and friends to little things like soap and water, food, clothes, shoes… But are those really little things? To a person in need, those are not little things at all. When you need a stick to build a fire, that is the greatest gift one could give you.

In many ways, this story is about “Paying it forward,” cultivating generosity on many levels. Instead of being upset when his mother gave him something different from what he wanted, the boy accepts it and then gives it to someone who needs it more. He never shows any sign of expectation that his generosity will be returned. Rather, he sees people with needs and gives of what he has to help fill those needs.

Now, the story wraps things up nicely by giving him what he wanted in the beginning. Life does not always work like that. Sometimes we are called to give up things we desperately want, the things we cherish and cling to, the things we would rather die than sacrifice. All is impermanent. But we are always given blessings in return. Often these blessings take forms we are not expecting – a horse instead of a drum. But if we keep looking for the next “upgrade,” then we miss the moment. We miss the possibilities that are right in front of us. We miss the fact that the stick can be a drum.


When I was growing up, my parents taught me that God would always provide all we needed. Matthew 6:26 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? From my adult perspective, knowing what I know now, my parents must have struggled so much to provide for us. My folks were part of what is sometimes called the “Jesus Freak” movement of the 1970s. They were hippies, but they were high on God instead of being high on anything else. They were called to their ministry, but often that ministry did not pay very much. I remember both of my parents taking all sorts of jobs – driving school busses, substitute teaching – so many things to keep their family afloat and their ministry alive. And yet, I never knew that we were “poor.” I never felt “poor.” Sure, we wore hand-me-down clothes. And we didn’t get everything we wanted. But we always had everything we needed.

I no longer believe in the same transcendent, omniscient and omnipresent God. For me, the Universe is much greater and more complex than any single cultural representation of God could encompass. But I still have everything I need. Certainly not all I want, but all I need. And that includes sometimes learning the lesson of the things I cannot have… at least for right now.

I hope we can cultivate a sense of gratitude each day, not just during the Thanksgiving holiday. I am impressed that this church begins each worship service with a statement of gratitude: “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” And so I count my blessings, large and small. On Thanksgiving Day, I shared my own gratitude prayer on Facebook: May everyone counting their blessings today join into one great force of gratitude. With that force, we can change the world.