All Souls Sunday: Talking to Children about Death

This Sunday there will be no faith development classes. All ages will gather in Community Worship for All Souls, honoring our beloved dead, be they grandparents or goldfish, friends or family. A group of children and youth will dramatize the story Ghost Wings about the Mexican legend of the Old Ones returning as butterflies, and congregants will have the opportunity to name their beloved dead in a ritual of remembrance.

Parents, especially those with younger children, we strongly recommend that you take a moment to talk with your children before the service about those they would like to remember. Talking with children about death is never easy, and it's especially challenging since different UUs have such different ideas about what happens after we die. I suggest you follow your children's cues in sharing a developmentally appropriate discussion. On Sunday we will focus on remembrance rather than loss, but I urge you to be prepared for questions and discussions.

There are a lot of great resources available for talking with children about death.

Information for parents:
• Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion by Dale McGowan. Written from the perspective of an atheist, this book offers advice for parents in many categories, including death.
• The Kid's Book About Death and Dying by Eric Rofes. This is a very helpful book that helps parents find kid-appropriate language for these discussions.
• The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. One of the most important ways a parent can help their kids understand big issues is by approaching the topics in their own beliefs. This book has helped me personally in my search for understanding.
• Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives David Eagleman. I have not read this one yet, but I am very intrigued by it based on a review in UU World. It explores forty different ways of thinking about the afterlife, and it’s on my “to read” list.

Storybooks to share with children:
• The Next Place by Warren Hanson. This book offers a vision of what might happen to a person after death. It does not specifically mention heaven or hell, but it opens to the possibility of an afterlife.
• The Mountains of Tibet by Mordecai Gerstein tells the story of the death and reincarnation of a Tibetan woodcutter. It gives a beautifully gentle look at one human being dealing with life's choices and possibilities.
• Tear Soup by Pat Schweibert is a beautiful book on the process of grief, appropriate for children but also poignant for adults. This book has meant a lot to me personally in times of sorrow and grief. I cannot recommend it strongly enough.

I also have learned some very helpful language from books like Harry Potter, which deals a lot with issues of life and death. Professor Dumbledore reminds Harry that those we love never truly leave us for they live on within us. That is one version of the afterlife that we all can understand – those we love are still with us as long as we remember them.

I look forward to seeing you this Sunday. Our service will be joyful and possibly tearful as we remember All Souls.